I Thought I Would Know
What I Wanted to “BE” by Now.
Having a clear idea of what I wanted was something that came naturally. When I was 11 years old, I thought I had it all figured out & planned. I wanted something to do with food or interiors/creating beautiful spaces because those were the things I was interested in.
Actually, I have to go back to my initial feeling... That was when I was 8 years old. I wanted to be a teacher, but when I saw my own behaviour as a student, I decided that is not the road for me.
I sometimes wonder what that feeling really was. Maybe it had nothing to do with actually being a teacher... Maybe there was a different underlying longing.
Someone told me that life would not go as I planned, and they were right.
I finished my HAVO (senior general secondary education) in Suriname and moved to the Netherlands. I did an interior design course. I loved it, and then I chose to do an event management course afterwards.During that course, I was still curious about hospitality in hotels.
It was something that had always intrigued me, and since I loved being in the world of events, I chose banqueting.
And let me tell you, these were some good years. I gained so much experience, met so many lovely people and enjoyed the perks of working in the industry.
But after 7 years, there was another side of me that also wanted attention.
Real Estate.
So one day, during a work performance review, one of my teammates encouraged me to take that leap. I was a bit hesitant because I was 27+, and going back to college full-time while combining it with work was going to be stressful.
But I took the leap. I started my studies.
It has been a roller coaster, but I am glad I took the leap because it opened a door into the corporate world of real estate.
To be honest, I never thought I would even enter the corporate world. This was another world on its own. Very different from hospitality, so I had some adjustments to make.
The office world made remote working, working from home, part of the norm. So that was something I really appreciated. Being able to work from home, in your own space or somewhere else, gave me a sense of freedom.
And that sense of freedom made me think about time and how much of it we spend working, because even though I worked from home, I was still working.
And it made me question why it feels like we spend the majority of our lives working.
It almost seems like we came to Earth to work. But then for whom? For myself?
But I cannot imagine that the Creator of this magnificent world, with so much wonder & power, had a vision for me to just work?And this made me think about what a career actually means.
Why do we do what we do? Why do we choose certain jobs? Is it for the money, or is it for something else? If it is for something else, does that fulfil you?Are we doing something that we love, or are we all going with the flow?
The questions first started in “We” form, and they slowly turned into “I”.
Abigail, you thought you had it all figured out at 11 years old. Now here you are, 30+.
What is it that you want to create?
What ideas and passions do you want to express into this world?
And no answer came, just a feeling, a fragment but nothing tangible. And that scared me a little. “ If I do not know where I am heading, what steps do I take?”
But while I was in the midst of contemplating, I was not aware that I was wandering off my path. I allowed life to happen, and I had not finished my studies yet.
And then a small voice reminded me that I did not know because I had taken a detour in finishing my studies.
But if I focus on completing my studies, that feeling, that fragment, will become complete, and the complete picture of where I am heading will reveal itself.
One step at a time.
So I took a bold leap, quit my corporate job to focus on what has priority.
And so here I am. Several years and some major delays later, on the edge of completing my studies. Not fully knowing where I am heading.Knowing that the road is going to be exciting because how amazing is it to be fully aware, happy and excited about creating a career that makes you feel really alive?
And maybe, on that journey, the reason behind that underlying longing I had as an 8-year-old to become a teacher will become clear... Just not in the way that I thought.
Who knows...
But first, finishing what I started.
Signed with Love,
Abigail
