Accepting
the Adventure of Self.
When I was younger, I always longed to become older. I imagined aging as becoming freer within myself. Like slowly growing into my own self.
The little insecurities losing their power. The heaviness becoming lighter. Being free.But now I realise that part of that longing was based on fear. It was not completely rooted in accepting myself out of love.
There was a part of me that did not accept my life as it was.
I did not accept me as I was.
I wanted to become something else, someone older, hoping that somehow I could escape what I was experiencing. I am not saying that longing for change is wrong. But I am learning that the intention behind the longing matters.
When the desire to become something else comes from a place of fear, the fear does not simply disappear when you arrive at that next version of yourself. It is already there.
And then you wonder why you still cannot fully enjoy yourself.
One of the greatest gifts I am learning to give yourself, is to go All-IN on the adventure of loving & accepting Self and discovering who you truly are.
To go into the depths of what is hidden inside you.
To face the fear.
To release the heaviness.
To heal what was inherited.
To honour the ancestors who tried their best.
To forgive yourself for the moments when you knew better, but were not yet ready to choose differently.
And to allow Self to finally become free within you.
Because sometimes Self is buried underneath trauma, conditioning, fear, shame, self-abandonment and everything we learned we needed to become in order to move through life. For a long time, I was not even aware of many of these layers.
But I believe that when you set the intention to truly live your life, life has a way of showing you where you need to STOP and look at yourself.
And sometimes, when you are so trapped inside your own darkness that you cannot see beyond it, life can create a moment that shakes you.Something happens. Something wakes you up. And suddenly you are being asked to look at YOU.
Not only the beautiful parts. Not only the parts you are proud of.
The whole you.
And then begins the removal of the layers.
I do not think this phase is beautiful. It is definitely not always fun. Sometimes it can feel incredibly overwhelming. Because suddenly you are becoming aware of things that may have been operating quietly inside of you for years.
Patterns.
Fears.
Old emotions.
Ways you abandoned yourself.
Things you inherited.
Things you accepted.
Things you thought were simply you, but perhaps were never truly you at all.
And somewhere in all of that, I realised that I do not want the relationship with myself to become a place of punishment.
I want love to be present here.
So in those moments, I prayed to the Divine Feminine Force of Life.
I asked for guidance from my anointed ancestors, because their life continues through me.
I allowed myself to be guided by my Spirit Guides.
I asked for the wisdom to see clearly.
The courage to change.
The softness to forgive.
And the discernment to know what needs to stay and what I am ready to release.
And to allow Life to flow through me.
Maybe that is what accepting the adventure of Self means to me now. Realising what is not mine and going within to meet Self.
In that journey, allowing to forgive myself, understand myself, love myself and enjoy discovering her. And to give her enough freedom to become whatever she came here to become.
And then, one day, realising:
I no longer want to grow older so that I can finally escape myself.
I am growing older while learning to love myself
And I think that may be an entirely different kind of adventure.
One that is worth accepting.
Signed with Love,
Abigail
